I, Comma

I am never going to learn English. Properly, anyway. I'm simply shooting to be able to order basic menu items and to ask where the bathroom is. Actually, I have failed that last bit twice, having asked whilst in England where both the 'bathroom' and 'restroom' were located. Luckily, a sign that read: 'water closet' announced the information I desperately needed. Fortunately, here in the States, we don't take our language all that seriously. Just ask any bleached blonde from the San Fernando Valley. But, she likely isn't looking to get published (although it might make for an interesting read).

One of the most common writing infractions, made up by me, is the misuse of the comma. I've noticed that people either tend to use it when in doubt, or they simply chose not use it at all. I myself belong to the former group. However, a misplaced comma can change the intention of a sentence entirely. The most famous example, (again, according to me) comes from the joke, and subsequent book title, Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. While this is apparently a simple mistaken use of a serial comma, the result gives the title a bit of ambiguity. The extraneous punctuation implies that there is a verb at work here instead of a noun. Comma's suck.

My personal issue with commas is with the use of sentence structure. I would much rather say, "Once out of bed, he made himself some coffee, poured it, and sat down to read his newspaper," then to say, "He sat down to read his newspaper once he made and poured his coffee after he got out of bed." However, I have no idea where the commas go in the first example. I don't even know where they all go in this here blog post. I guess, as I assume most people do, they get placed where they sound right. Grammatically speaking however, there is a precise way of knowing. So, back to studying, go I.