Writers Write the Darnest Things.

Having concluded the literary masterpiece, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, I have concluded that a man, in possession of a brown bess, or other such weapon, must be in want to slay some zombies. This simply proves that a book, no matter how great in concept it is, can still be greatly improved by yet another rewrite, or a gimmicky addition, to increase sales. Plus, it helps that in this edition, Lizzie would most certainly lay the smack down on Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. Of course, no amount of editing or supplementation can erase the original author's horrible abuses to the usual rules of writing.

Jane Austen is guilty of continually TELLING the reader what is/has happened, rather than SHOWING it. This, by today's tough market, would probably prevent the publication of her manuscript (even with the zombies. And given the casual and un-intrusive addition of the undead into the book, one wonders if Austen meant for them to be present in the original narrative). I am sure I am trifling some feelings here, for I am sure some find her prose poetic. Feel free to inform me of my wrongness. But if I do not answer, it is because an unmentionable has feasted upon my cauliflower brains . . .

Never Take a Weekend Off To Look at Pirhanna Plants

So, I took a weekend off. It was nice, relaxing, and I didn't write anything at all. Unfortunately, that was two weekends ago. Oops. And I still haven't gotten back into my writing project yet. Hopefully, Monday will put me back on my regular routine, but for the past couple weeks, writing's been a bit of an anathema to me. Good thing I'm not trying to do this for a living, or to make any money off it.

Oh, wait a tick, that's right. Well, nevermind then.

Since I'm still battling against the villainy that is writing, I'll be short today and and just leave you with this thought: What do vegetarians think of plants that eat animals?

A Time To Kill

My magazine article is finished, after a sloppy first draft, a careful rewrite, some review, another rewrite, and then a final polish by a caffeinated chimpanzee on a straight six-pack of 5 hour energy; I think that's how Shakespeare did it anyway. I'd mail it off Monday, if I could. But, we all need to stop and celebrate Christopher Columbus that day. It's the day he apparently discovered the Caribbean, thus enabling Disney to make a movie about Captain Jack Sparrow.

So, I'm back to working on my main project. But, since I've resolved to relax this weekend (as much as a father can) and don't want to get back to it lest I lose the weekend to it, I've picked up a book to read. Nothing fancy. Just Pride and Prejudice. And Zombies. Cause, Mr. Darcy is one bad mother *ahem* gentleman. I also picked up Sense and Sensibility. And Seamonsters.

My biggest complaint: I am royally upset for not thinking of this first. Really, really upset. It's not like I didn't marry someone who eats Jane Austen for breakfast to inspire me to write about Zombies who might have.

Did I mention writing is all about contrast?

Switching Gears

I'm going to try something else. I'm going to try and write an unsolicited article for a magazine. Actually, let me rephrase. I am going to write something for a magazine. What I am going to try to do is to get it published for profit. People who pay for articles are way too picky. It's almost like they are deluged with thousands of pages of reading material, to go sleepless nights sorting it all, only to have a bunch more crap delivered, un-asked for, the next day. Good thing I'm at this end of the sort-pile. I only have to read the crap I wrote.

Anyways, when my fool-proof plan succeeds, and I'm ready to publish my current fictional project, I can be all *hey, I'm the guy who wrote that one article in that one magazine, yo!* and I can be placed in the reject pile a bit closer to the top. Er, bottom. Whatever is closer to that 'maybe/second look' pile. Anyways, the point is, I will succeed, and victory will be mine! Or at least a check for $39.99