I, Comma

I am never going to learn English. Properly, anyway. I'm simply shooting to be able to order basic menu items and to ask where the bathroom is. Actually, I have failed that last bit twice, having asked whilst in England where both the 'bathroom' and 'restroom' were located. Luckily, a sign that read: 'water closet' announced the information I desperately needed. Fortunately, here in the States, we don't take our language all that seriously. Just ask any bleached blonde from the San Fernando Valley. But, she likely isn't looking to get published (although it might make for an interesting read).

One of the most common writing infractions, made up by me, is the misuse of the comma. I've noticed that people either tend to use it when in doubt, or they simply chose not use it at all. I myself belong to the former group. However, a misplaced comma can change the intention of a sentence entirely. The most famous example, (again, according to me) comes from the joke, and subsequent book title, Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. While this is apparently a simple mistaken use of a serial comma, the result gives the title a bit of ambiguity. The extraneous punctuation implies that there is a verb at work here instead of a noun. Comma's suck.

My personal issue with commas is with the use of sentence structure. I would much rather say, "Once out of bed, he made himself some coffee, poured it, and sat down to read his newspaper," then to say, "He sat down to read his newspaper once he made and poured his coffee after he got out of bed." However, I have no idea where the commas go in the first example. I don't even know where they all go in this here blog post. I guess, as I assume most people do, they get placed where they sound right. Grammatically speaking however, there is a precise way of knowing. So, back to studying, go I.

Their, There, Its alright.

There. Their. Its. It's. Alright and All right. Most of us know when to use what word when, like Know vs. No. But typing hurriedly, or in casual places such as forums or texting, leads to common word swappage that bypasses the best of spell checker program and quick manual gloss-overs. The best bet is for us all to get English degrees and not make mistakes in the first place. Wait a minute while I consider if I meant that as a joke.

Kidding aside, a needless grammar mistake can kill your publishing attempt dead. A simple grammar mistake to a professional editor is glaring, and is going to get you thrown into the reject pile. Don't make the mistake in assuming that your story is so great and novel, that any mistakes will be corrected thanklessly for you in the publishing process.

Also, casual word swapping on the 'net needs to just die. Could we just stop using 'Teh' in place of 'The'? That would be great, thanks!

It's Good Grammar That We Speak Of

I hate me some Grammar. It's bad enough that we have to spel properli. Then do'nt we have to puncuate properly, as, well. Most of us can get by with only the minimum mistakes in either. But, grammar kills us deader than dead. Not only can it be obtrusive in stylized writing, it can kill an otherwise well meant story. Bad grammar is equivalent to swimming through muddy water. Clear concepts can be caused some confusion.

I have horrible grammar. Always have. Don't know how I made it through Grammar school. I've been reading up on it and trying to improve. For the next few blog posts, we'll explore some of the most common mistakes, or mistakes that we commonly make. Mine is sentence and paragraph structure. What are yours?

A Character With Character

I like alternate history. Stories that tell a 'what if?' have a strong appeal to me. It's a great way to analyze what could have been, but to also better understand the why and how things happened the way they did.

When writing alternative history, or counterfactuals in the parlance of the subgenre, there are certain difficulties when it comes to writing an established character. Whether you are writing Marvel Comics' What If? a story about Spiderman, or writing an opus about the extended life of General Custer had he not succumbed at Little Big Horn, it seems imperative that you DO NOT change the character of that person. In other words, using a bad analogy, characters in What If stories are akin to subjects of a hypnotist. You can have them cluck like a chicken onstage, but you cannot have them do something that they would not otherwise be predisposed to do.

So, how to reconcile character growth of a historical character? People naturally change over time. People can change who they are. It is necessary for a character to arc, to change from point a to b. But it seems wrong to write that General Custer, learning to curb his impulsive-self after barely surviving the ambush, then lived a life of solemnity to a ripe old age.

It goes against his character.

What do you think?

Routine Anarchy

A change in routine can have profound consequences. One thing changes and everything else falls out of place. In this case, my daughter is outgrowing 'naptime'. Life hasn't been the same since. No more TV breaks for the afternoon repeat of the Daily Show and Colbert Report, no time for treadmilling around, and certainly no time for blogging. I have to change my routine completely. Last night, I started writing again for the first time in two weeks, except that I feel asleep while doing so. It's time to invest in caffeine and some sort of contraption that will keep my hyper-active almost three-year old at bay for two hours. Any suggestions out there?